Awkward Junk
by AntigoneScorned
Summary: Blaine is a little uncomfortable due to Kurt putting bronzer into his moisturizer. Hilarity ensues. One shot based in my Awkward Situations universe, but can certainly be read alone. T for suggestive ideas, mostly due to Finn.


Awkward Junk

A/N: Here's a little one-shot based in my Awkward Situations universe. You don't need to read that to understand this. Just know that it's Klaine from Burt's point of view, inspired by this past week's episode. This is really the only thing from the episode that stood out to me, and it demanded to be written. This takes place around February, so just put it in the right place in your minds.

Enjoy the story and if there is anything you'd like to see happen in this universe, let me know.

Around February, I heard Kurt and Blaine bickering more than usual. Really, they never argued about anything, so even minor bickering was something for them. I didn't get involved, but through eavesdropping I caught a few words here and there that included "bronzer, tan hands and toasted junk." I really didn't know what any of those things had to do with anything, but I left them to argue in peace. Things escalated that evening to yelling across the living room, so I finally had to intervene.

"That's it. What's going on with you two? You never fight, so this better be something good." I said, trying to sound calm even though I was a little pissed that they had to argue in the living room when I could be sleeping through some sort of game at this point in the evening.

"Kurt put bronzer in my moisturizer." Blaine said, clearly very angry.

"You look good with a little bit of color. It's the middle of winter, and you've lost your tan." Kurt replied, sounding as though he was, of course, right.

"Wait, I thought only Kurt used all those fancy moisturizers." I interrupted. I didn't ever remember Blaine even mentioning using them.

"I really just use it for my hands." He said, holding up his hands that were distinctly darker than the rest of his body. His right was a little darker than the left, but both looked pretty tan compared to the rest of him. "I can't walk around with these weird tan hands. It's bizarre! I look like an oompa-loompa!"

"Blaine, go grab some lemon juice and salt to wash your hands... it'll fade that way. Trust me. You weren't here to see it, but Carol tried that stuff once. It wasn't pretty. We finally ended up making it lighter with lemon juice and salt."

"I guess I can try that..." Blaine said, but both boys looked like they thought it was a bad idea.

"Just try it on your hands and see if it works." Kurt said.

They went into the kitchen and a few minutes later they were walking upstairs with a bottle of lemon juice and the salt shaker.

About a half hour later, Finn came into the living room and sat down to watch the game with me. After a few minutes, Finn finally asked a question that he looked like he's been dying to ask since he walked in.

"What's going on with Kurt and Blaine? They're acting weirder than usual." He said.

"How so? I know Blaine was mad about getting a fake tan on his hands, but it shouldn't be too bad." I replied.

"Well, Blaine is locked in the bathroom crying and Kurt is trying to break down the door. You should probably check that whole situation out." Finn said, while getting comfortable on the couch after grabbing the remote.

I walked upstairs to Kurt's room, since he's the one with his own bathroom. I stood quietly in the doorway for a minute before making my presence known, since I was more likely to find out what's going on with Kurt if I don't ask him directly.

"Blaine, honey, you need to calm down. I'm sure it's fine. You don't have to get rid of the tan. I'm the only one that will see it, and I don't mind if the lemon juice and salt are that bad." Kurt said through the door, a little louder than he would normally speak to Blaine, mainly just so his voice would carry through the door. I couldn't hear Blaine's reply, but it must have not been good since Kurt started smacking his head against the door frame. I took the opportunity to knock on the open door so Kurt would know I'm there.

"Hey Kiddo, what's wrong?" I asked, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Blaine won't come out of the bathroom." Kurt said. I could hear Blaine yell through the door.

"I'm not leaving this bathroom for the next 3-4 weeks!" I looked a little puzzled, but Kurt then whispered to me that that was how long the fake tanner lasted.

"It's not that bad having tan hands for a few weeks. The lemon juice didn't work?" I said, trying to sound calm, but I couldn't pull it off as well as Carol can. "You could always try bleach?"

"Oh god! That would be even worse!" He said through the door, clearly getting more upset.

"Um... Dad? The lemon juice and salt worked on Blaine's hands, but… um… something else ended up getting a tan. Somewhere you shouldn't rub lemon juice and salt… or especially bleach." Kurt said carefully, trying not to say too much. I was still a little confused, but then Finn came in to join us and for once, actually seemed to know what was going on around him.

"With the exception of Kurt, there's only one thing guys use lotion for. And it's not to keep their hands moisturized." Finn said, while falling back to lie on the bed. I still didn't follow, but Finn helped by making some very crude gestures imitating jacking off.

"Oh… OH! I get it now. Everybody does that. You don't need to be embarrassed. Maybe next time, just make sure you aren't using self tanner." I said.

"This is so embarrassing. I'm just going to live in this room. Can someone please remember to send some food in once in a while? Because I can never show my face again." Blaine said which was followed by the sound of him pounding his head against the door.

"I don't think your face is the problem."


End file.
